Hands down one of my favorite snacks in between meals. Sweet and salty is one of my favorite flavor profiles. However the usual way I find these flavors is in ice cream and then some chips or something. This is a much better, healthier option.
Today I'm already over this blog idea of mine. But then I feel like I should keep on writing because there's probably some level of denial that I'm not facing -- hence, leaving me not wanting to do it. I'm now forcing myself to continue on. Last night and for lunch leftover mania today, I had chicken breast slow cooked with Mexican stewed tomatoes and brown rice. It's very tasty and very yummy. I had a banana after I returned from my shadowboxing class (sidenote: which kicked my ass) at the gym last night and it offset how hungry I was for actual dinner. It was pretty cool to be able to only really be hungry for about 1/3 of what I had on my plate. The only detour from my plan was late night snacking. I need to avoid the kitchen unless it's to pick up a salty and sweet nutty friend or fruit. I'm going to make those my options and tell Chuck so that he can slam cupboards on my fingers or something. Ok, maybe not that violent but at least he'll know that I know that he knows I shouldn't be in there.
I was reading WW success stories online today. One of them actually made me well up with tears. It was an ordinary story of a woman who lost 200 pounds in 2 years. What an amazing feat. I can imagine how great that must have felt. I think that is something I want to achieve at some point. I'm trying to slowly ramp up this time. I don't want failure to feel like it's being shoved in my face but I don't want to feel like this anymore. One of the analogies on the WW site about losing weight was taking a road trip. You don't just give up because you got lost or went the wrong way you keep on going. I'm going to try and make that a mantra. I'm on a road trip I want to get to my destination, I just need to keep driving, just keep driving, just keep driving, driving driving driving (with a touch of Dory from Finding Nemo). ;) The other common thread was people who's expectations were to just slowly lose weight. I think this is the approach I'm going to take as well. Set my sites on having the weight off in two years. One very valid point was that the luxury or silver lining of having this much weight to lose is that you have a very long time to teach yourself a new lifestyle and ease your way into it.
A friend of mine commented that he and another of my friends noticed my weight gain looking at pictures from Christmas -- as in 2 weeks ago -- Christmas. It was the first time that someone had told me that my weight gain had actually spurred a discussion -- outside of my presence. I think as well as I thought I was hiding I was really just in some form of denial brought on by being lazy. This being lazy thing and unmotivated is such a frustrating state of mind to try and escape. The constant feeling of kind of wanting to cry from disappointment at my current weight would be a nice feeling to get rid of. I'd like to just feel shiny and happy and not think about how I can suck something in or find something baggy to wear. I think after awhile every day of knowing you are heavy is like another brick being laid on your chest, weighing you down. It feels impossible to be able to shake them all off. The burden feels overwhelming. I think I'm trying to ease myself back into eating what I should be eating and doing the things I know I need to do. It would help so many aspects of my life. I don't like my hair, body, or wardrobe right now... really nothing about my outward appearance. I need something to change. I can't see myself living this way the rest of my life. It's not me.
Dinner & Coffee
Lan and I met up for dinner, coffee, and AVATAR!!! It was a very fun night and the best part was I was able to make healthy choices. We went to Islands and I was able to order from their Bikini Beach menu. I had a passion iced tea, some tortilla chips, the Turkey Burger Lite (only 680 cal. and they don't tempt you with fries -- it's steamed veggies instead!! GENIUS!!) and then a Skinny Vanilla Latte after dinner! It was perfect! The thing I'm most proud of from last night was that I didn't late night snack at ALL!!
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